I triple checked with my wife that I can share this story with you… she said yes (surprisingly)
If you need help and you'd like to reach out to Vince personally, send an email to him directly at vince@gabrielefitness.com
I'm four hours into a ruck in the Watchung Reservation training for the Grand Canyon, and I'm not talking about business today. I'm talking about your marriage. Or your significant other. Which I'd argue is the most important business relationship you have.
I told the story I've never told publicly. Vanessa and I separated six months after we got married. She moved back to California. I mailed the divorce papers. They went to the wrong address and she never received them. We were apart for eight months and I was done. Both of us found God in our own way during that stretch, and that's what brought us back. We just celebrated 19 years and we're happier than we've ever been.
I said a bunch of things in these woods I probably shouldn't have. I told you how I compared my wife to my mother for years and how awful that sounds out loud. I told you I'm a judgmental prick and that it took my mom passing for me to see that every quality I loved most in her lives in my wife. Recorded this fully expecting to delete it.
5 Key Takeaways:
- Everyone has two lists. There's a list of qualities about a person that aren't great, and a list of qualities that are incredible. Everyone has both, including you. One of the secrets to a good marriage is deciding which list you focus on. I spent years on the wrong one.
- Marriages cycle through harmony, disharmony, and repair. Justin Rabinowitz gave me that. We sat in disharmony for a long stretch early on. Knowing the cycle exists changes how you handle it, because you stop believing the bad season is the permanent state.
- Men need freedom. Women need safety. Tony Robbins made this point at Date With Destiny and it landed for both of us because we were in the room together. When Vanessa tells me to go, that gives me freedom, and it makes me want to do everything I can to make her feel safe. Learning it together is what made it stick. If I'd come home and told her about it, it would have meant nothing.
- Happy couples expect nothing but owe everything. That's Andy Stanley. It can't be tit for tat. It can't be "if you give me freedom, I'll give you safety." It has to be I give you safety, I give you safety, I give you safety.
- Your kids are watching what you do, not listening to what you say. The number one thing you can do as a father is show your kids how much you love your wife. I do sweaty kisses after every workout. They groan. But they've never once had to be told that exercise matters.
The gym owners who come to me with problems at home almost always have problems in the business too. So investing in that relationship is investing in your company, though that's not the reason to do it.
If you need help and you'd like to reach out to Vince personally, send an email to him directly at vince@gabrielefitness.com
Creators and Guests
